War Dogs

There where no dogs. I don't know why I always expect animals in these films. There was war though. 7.5/10 

Stranger Things

I've watched stranger things than this show. Like Sausage Party. Or that video of the horse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyMXYE_50Ts /10

Sausage Party

I watched this film sober. Don't watch this film sober. Or do. I don't really care. You don't really love me. </3/10

The Longest Yard

Apparently a yard is 0.9144 metres. Just use the metric system. Also the Great khali brokeded my nose. f***ing 0.9144/10

Now You See Me

Now you see me...Now you don't. I spent 3 days trying to come up with joke. Laugh. I'm Hilarious/10

Captain Philips

Captain Philips was the captain. He isn't the Captain now. I am the Captain now.
Give me my stripes/10

Zootopia

There is a fox and a rabbit. I had a rabbit named Thumper, and he died. I had a rabbit named Bubbles, and she died. I had a rabbit named Puma, and he died. Now I have a rabbit named Michu.
He just died/10

The Amazing Spider-man

You can see Spider-mans willy. Also he fights stuff. There isn't the hot aunt May in this one. 8==D/10

The Evil Dead (2013)

There is a Demon. She cut her tongue. She threw up blood. I threw up my lunch.
Give me back my chicken/10

Alvin and The Chipmunks: Road Chip

They made 4 Alvin and the chipmunks films. 4. I can't even review them. They made 4. 4/10 .... nope 0/10

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

There is an ooze monster. And the pink ranger. And giant fighting combining robots. And the pink ranger. And zombie parents. And the pink ranger.  Pink ranger is hot/10

Hancock

Will Smith isn't in it. There are a lot of naked people. I might have watched the wrong film. oops/10

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

There are Dragons. You kill dragons. I kill dragons. We all kill dragons. dragons. dragons/dragons

Fight Club

The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!... Sorry can't talk about Fight Club. ?/10

Outlast (ANOTHER GAME REVIEW?!?!?!)

No. No. No. No/10





No.

Captain America: Civil War

Captain America has a lovers quarrel with Iron Man. Also there is Spiderman in it. And Aunt may is hot. 10/10 would totally do Aunt May

Final Fantasy XIII (OMG IS THIS A GAME REVIEW?!?!?!?)

I've been playing this game for 400 years, I just got passed the tutorial, I don't feel like playing it anymore. €40/10  Totes glad I spent money on this.

Imperator Furiosa: Fury road

Its called mad max, mad max speaks for like 10 minutes in total, its now called Imperator Furiosa: Fury Road. Charlize Theron is still hot. 10/10

Pulp Fiction

Samuel L. Jackson swears a lot while shooting people. John Travolta almost kills Uma Thurman and then becomes a meme...Also a big black guy gets raped by a gimp and a cop. Welcome to America/10

Gladiator

Russel Crow becomes a sex slave. Russel crow becomes a sex Gladiator. Russel crow has sex kills and stabs people. Russel crow gets aids poisoned. 9/10

Pirates of The Caribbean

Johnny Depp gets slapped a lot. Legolas is pirate. There is Keira Knightly in it...everyone wants to bang her. I don't want to bang her. I want to passionately do stuff to her. This went to far.

nice/10

 

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Alan Rickman is a depressed robot. Martin Freeman goes on adventure to steal treasure from the dragon Smaug. Also Zoey Deschanel was in it apparently. Go figure. 42/10

Spiderman 3

Spiderman becomes Emo. Spiderman Dances like he got high on the wrong shit. Also Eric Forman is the bad guy. That 70's Show was great. 70/10

Transcendence

Apparently yesterday Will Caster was only human. I don't know what he is today. I didn't understand this film. My head hurts. ?/10

DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

Vince Vaughn surprisingly does exercise in a film. Everyone gets a hammer thrown at their face. Ben stiller has a mustache. He also has sex with a pizza. F****** Chuck Norris. 3/3

50 Shades of Grey

2 hours and 9 minutes of looking at different shades of the colour grey. I think someone falls in love. My mummy didn't let me watch it because you can see someones boobies in it. 50/10

A walk to Remember

I actually watched this one. Then I tried to watch the Notebook and my girlfriend broke up with me. F*** you Bitch. Sweet movie. The guys falls in love and finds Jesus. SPOILER!! And then the girl dies. As long as he found Jesus. +/10

The Notebook

I haven't watched this film. Every time I try to watch it someone breaks up with me. Even if I am single. </3/10

Bruno

A gay Austrian fights at a dojo with a dildo. He has sex with a ghost. Even gay ghosts get more action than me apparently. 8===D/10

American Psycho

Christian Bale uses maths and physics to kill women with chainsaws while naked and covered in blood. Christian Bale runs with a chainsaw while naked and covered in blood. Christian Bale talks about credit cards for 2 minutes...while naked and covered in blood. 73/10

The Human Centipede 2

This is definitely not like "A Bugs Life". I have nightmares about this. The evil guy looks like gravity affects him differently than everyone else. 12 victims/10

The Human Centipede

I didn't watch the film. I assume its about a talking centipede. There is a talking centipede in "A Bugs Life". Apparently its a caterpillar.  A Bugs life is great. 10/10 for a bugs life

Reservoir Dogs

There are no Dogs. There are no Reservoirs. Michael Madson dances. Quentin Tarantino is called Mr Brown. Brown is the colour of poop. No2/10

Alpha Dog

The word F*** is said 367. I said that word once when I was younger. My mum washed my mouth with soap. Everyone in this film dies or goes to jail for saying the F word. 23/39

Batman & Robin

Batman has nipples on his suit. Robin has nipples on his suit. They have nipples on their suits. I have nipples on my suit. Nipples/10

2012

It is not "Disaster Movie". It is A disaster movie. It is not a Disaster. Confusion/10

White chicks

Terry Crews sings "A Thousand Miles". Also one of the white chicks gets diarrhea.
(Making my way downtown)/10 

Disaster Movie

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hah.
This film is not good. No/10

Room

I thought this was "The Room". It is not. Satisfaction/10

Wolf of Wall Street

There are no wolves. There is Margot Robbie. She gets naked. ∞/10

Son of the Mask

There isn't Jim Carry in it. There is Demon baby in it. I am conflicted. What?/10

The Shawshank Redemption

Lots of insinuated prison rape. SPOILER!!! Tim Robbins crawls through a pipe of poop. Also i can't remember any women in the film. Sexist/10

Click

I cried. I cried so much. I'm crying now. I can't...OK I can, Adam Sandler farts in David Hasselhoffs face. 15/10

The Martian

No aliens. Matt Damon eats plants grown from his own poop. 10/10 poop plants rock.

The Room

Tommy Wiseau asks people about their sex life. Tommy Wiseau looks like a constipated lemon. Tommy Wiseau has more of a sex life then me. Reality sucks/10

Watership Down

It has cartoon rabbits. Some die. I laughed. Rabbits are cute. Bugs/10

Fantfourstic Four

My pet spider skippy died. This film killed him. Actually I killed him. I'm very sad about it. x/10

Birdemic

I like birds. I don't like this film. 0.000001/10 would not bang

Mrs Doubtfire

Classic. Robin Williams wears a dress. No hot chicks. so 7.234214/10