Pirates of The Caribbean

Johnny Depp gets slapped a lot. Legolas is pirate. There is Keira Knightly in it...everyone wants to bang her. I don't want to bang her. I want to passionately do stuff to her. This went to far.

nice/10

 

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Alan Rickman is a depressed robot. Martin Freeman goes on adventure to steal treasure from the dragon Smaug. Also Zoey Deschanel was in it apparently. Go figure. 42/10

Spiderman 3

Spiderman becomes Emo. Spiderman Dances like he got high on the wrong shit. Also Eric Forman is the bad guy. That 70's Show was great. 70/10

Transcendence

Apparently yesterday Will Caster was only human. I don't know what he is today. I didn't understand this film. My head hurts. ?/10

DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

Vince Vaughn surprisingly does exercise in a film. Everyone gets a hammer thrown at their face. Ben stiller has a mustache. He also has sex with a pizza. F****** Chuck Norris. 3/3

50 Shades of Grey

2 hours and 9 minutes of looking at different shades of the colour grey. I think someone falls in love. My mummy didn't let me watch it because you can see someones boobies in it. 50/10

A walk to Remember

I actually watched this one. Then I tried to watch the Notebook and my girlfriend broke up with me. F*** you Bitch. Sweet movie. The guys falls in love and finds Jesus. SPOILER!! And then the girl dies. As long as he found Jesus. +/10

The Notebook

I haven't watched this film. Every time I try to watch it someone breaks up with me. Even if I am single. </3/10

Bruno

A gay Austrian fights at a dojo with a dildo. He has sex with a ghost. Even gay ghosts get more action than me apparently. 8===D/10

American Psycho

Christian Bale uses maths and physics to kill women with chainsaws while naked and covered in blood. Christian Bale runs with a chainsaw while naked and covered in blood. Christian Bale talks about credit cards for 2 minutes...while naked and covered in blood. 73/10

The Human Centipede 2

This is definitely not like "A Bugs Life". I have nightmares about this. The evil guy looks like gravity affects him differently than everyone else. 12 victims/10

The Human Centipede

I didn't watch the film. I assume its about a talking centipede. There is a talking centipede in "A Bugs Life". Apparently its a caterpillar.  A Bugs life is great. 10/10 for a bugs life

Reservoir Dogs

There are no Dogs. There are no Reservoirs. Michael Madson dances. Quentin Tarantino is called Mr Brown. Brown is the colour of poop. No2/10

Alpha Dog

The word F*** is said 367. I said that word once when I was younger. My mum washed my mouth with soap. Everyone in this film dies or goes to jail for saying the F word. 23/39

Batman & Robin

Batman has nipples on his suit. Robin has nipples on his suit. They have nipples on their suits. I have nipples on my suit. Nipples/10

2012

It is not "Disaster Movie". It is A disaster movie. It is not a Disaster. Confusion/10

White chicks

Terry Crews sings "A Thousand Miles". Also one of the white chicks gets diarrhea.
(Making my way downtown)/10 

Disaster Movie

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hah.
This film is not good. No/10

Room

I thought this was "The Room". It is not. Satisfaction/10

Wolf of Wall Street

There are no wolves. There is Margot Robbie. She gets naked. ∞/10

Son of the Mask

There isn't Jim Carry in it. There is Demon baby in it. I am conflicted. What?/10

The Shawshank Redemption

Lots of insinuated prison rape. SPOILER!!! Tim Robbins crawls through a pipe of poop. Also i can't remember any women in the film. Sexist/10

Click

I cried. I cried so much. I'm crying now. I can't...OK I can, Adam Sandler farts in David Hasselhoffs face. 15/10

The Martian

No aliens. Matt Damon eats plants grown from his own poop. 10/10 poop plants rock.

The Room

Tommy Wiseau asks people about their sex life. Tommy Wiseau looks like a constipated lemon. Tommy Wiseau has more of a sex life then me. Reality sucks/10

Watership Down

It has cartoon rabbits. Some die. I laughed. Rabbits are cute. Bugs/10

Fantfourstic Four

My pet spider skippy died. This film killed him. Actually I killed him. I'm very sad about it. x/10

Birdemic

I like birds. I don't like this film. 0.000001/10 would not bang

Mrs Doubtfire

Classic. Robin Williams wears a dress. No hot chicks. so 7.234214/10

Creed

It was OK. Lots of Punching. Sylvester Stallone throws up. 7/10